Hello
First of all, I want to say thank you for sharing such a deeply personal issue with me. Coping with the loss of a child, whether born or unborn, is a very big issue. It’s understandable that you still feel that loss now, but it’s also extremely positive that you want to talk about it and to seek some help and advice, to help you to feel like you can move on.
There is no right or wrong way to mourn the death of someone, and each person copes in their own way and at their own pace. This includes both men and women. Sometimes when someone dies, people can be in shock or denial, and they may avoid thinking or talking about death because it feels too much for them. Other times people may not feel a need to talk about it because it hasn’t affected them as much. This doesn’t mean they don’t care, but they might be dealing with things in a very different way from you or from how you’d expect.
From what you’ve said, after the baby died, you and your boyfriend didn’t really speak about the death properly. However it’s clear that you feel a bit more ready to deal with things, and you’d like to be able to talk to him about it – that is why you messaged him. It might be that at this time he still isn’t ready to discuss his feelings with you, and you can’t make him if he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready. Whilst that might feel hard for you, it’s important that you are able to express your own feelings and talk about your loss in ways that are meaningful to you.
You said that you have tried to talk to a counsellor and you found it didn’t help. There could be many reasons it felt it didn’t help you at the time, but if you ever feel you would like to try again, you are always welcome to speak to a ChildLine counsellor. The counsellors are friendly and are trained to help. They won’t judge you or put you down and they are not easily shocked. Instead, they will listen and help talk you through your options and think of ways that you can support yourself.
Take care,
Sam