Hi there
Thank you for writing to me - it seems like you have a lot to think about at the moment, but it's really positive that you are seeking help and support with how you are feeling. When relationships or friendships change it can be difficult and confusing.
You mentioned in your letter that your friends seem to be turning against you, I'm wondering if this is something you feel you would be able to talk to your friends about? Could you let them know how things are for you, and perhaps help them to understand how you have been feeling and talk about how things could be better?
It can be nice to feel part of a relationship but it’s really important that you realise that your boyfriend is not your only reason to live, every person has their own special qualities, talents and reasons why their life is valuable and important. It seems like you might need some help to remember what is special and unique about you and why you are so important. Perhaps talking about how you feel with a trusted adult or with a ChildLine counsellor would help you realise that you really are worth time and effort.
I am concerned that you have said that you feel you want to die, you also said that you are upset with other things - dealing with these feelings alone must be really difficult for you, perhaps keeping this all inside is making you feel worse. It is really important that you consider talking with a trusted adult, people like your teacher, doctor or school nurse also have a responsibility to listen to and support you, you are also very welcome to talk with a counsellor at ChildLine, by phone 0800 1111 or online. Talking can be difficult at first but it really can help and will be another step closer to making things change for you.
Take care
Sam