Hello there,
Thank you for your letter.
You have told me that you're feeling really alone and feel that there is nobody in the world that you can speak to. It sounds like you are finding things really tough right now and this is having an affect on your school work and making it difficult for you to care about anything.
You lost a grandparent a few years ago, I wonder if this still upsets you. Sometimes when we lose someone we love, it can take a long time, even years to come to terms with it. You might find it helpful to have a look at the RD4U website and the ChildLine message boards about bereavement.
Not knowing your father is still a loss to you, it can cause many upsetting emotions that are difficult to understand. It doesn’t always make sense, how can we have feelings about someone that we have never met? He is your father and you have a right to feel upset about not having him in your life.
Sometimes things are just too big for us to deal with on our own. It really does sound as though things are getting on top of you. How would it feel to speak to your doctor about what has been happening for you? You might also find it helpful to see what other young people talk about on the message boards around depression. And finally there is some information in Explore about coping with depression and feeling lonely.
The feelings that you are bottling up are making you feel really mad, which is causing you to have fights with your family and friends. Perhaps you could think about how long you have been feeling this way what you feel would need to happen in your life to make you feel better.
Often when we store things away, we find it easier to fight and upset people rather than dealing with what’s really inside. You may find it helpful to try and talk about your feelings, perhaps you might like to try talking to a ChildLine Counsellor on 0800 1111 or through 1-2-1 online chat. They are there to listen and to talk to you about how you are feeling and ways to cope.
Take care,
Sam