Hello there
Thank you so much for your letter, I’m really glad you decided to write in about how you are feeling.
It sounds like there really is a lot going on for you at the moment and you have said everything has gone from bad to worse. I’m really worried to hear you have attempted suicide. It’s really important for you to know that I would encourage you contact ChildLine and talk to one of the counsellors if you are ever feeling this way again. There are counsellors available 24 hours a day who would really like to talk with you to offer you support.
I would really like you to know that I don’t think you have done anything for attention and I believe exactly how you have told me you are feeling.
You’ve said that school is horrible and that everyone hates you, this sounds like it’s having a really big impact on how you are feeling. From what you’ve said, I get the sense you feel quite isolated while at schoo. This is because you have talked about not understanding many things and not being able to talk to anyone, as you can see in the faces that they think you are doing it for attention. You’ve taken a huge step by making contact and I think its understandable how you are feeling.
It sounds like self-harming might be a way you have been coping with how you feel. I hear from lots of children and young people who have shared their experiences of self harm and I was thinking it might be helpful for you to have a look at the Self-harm page where there is some more information and links which you might find useful. The Self-harm ChildLine message board can also be another great way to get additional support.
It’s great that you have your best mate to talk to, even if this is only through msn. I get the sense you feel more comfortable talking about your feelings by writing them down and not having to talk to someone face to face. You’ve talked about being bullied in primary school and it sounds like putting on a mask is a way you learnt to protect yourself. It’s wrong of anyone to bully you and you have a right for this not to happen.
You’ve talked about playing Sims when you get home to create your alter ego. When reading this part of your letter, it made me feel that part of you enjoys creating an alter-ego of someone who is ‘better and amazing at everything’, but that it also makes you feel more depressed as this is not who you see yourself to be. It’s important for you to know that no one is better and amazing at everything and definitely not all the time. Just you writing the letter you sent to me is amazing – it takes strength to talk so honestly about your feelings, so well done!
I can hear you feel your parents are no help and it really sounds like you are struggling alone. How you feel is important and you do deserve to feel supported. It sounds like you are really scared to show how you are really feeling as you are worried the people who hate you will see this as a weakness and pounce like predators. It’s really important for you to know that ChildLine is a safe space for you to talk, and you can use that space to talk about anything. It sounds like every day is really hard and upsetting for you – I would really encourage you to continue speaking about how you feel, as you have done really well expressing your emotions in your letter. I can hear you feel alone and really stuck, and was thinking you could contact one of the counsellors at ChildLine so that you could get some support with how you feel. There is the 1-2-1 online chat service which is similar to msn and I thought that might be a way you would feel comfortable talking with someone.
I really am glad you contacted me and really hope you get in touch again soon.
Take care,
Sam