Hi there
Thank you for sending your letter to me and for sharing how you are feeling. Many teenagers feel sad or down from time to time when life seems like it's horrible and no one understands - it can be a normal part of life. If you feel like the sad thoughts and feelings are stopping you from being happy, enjoying your life, or making you feel that life isn’t worth living, then it might help to talk to someone who can listen without judging you. You can find more information about feeling depressed and sad in the Explore section.
You mentioned that suicide has crossed your mind and you are currently trying hard to push it back. Perhaps you could get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor and see if together you can find ways of coping better with what is going on; you can do this by phone on 0800 1111, or sign up for a ChildLine account and request an online chat or send an email.
You also talked about needing some reasons as to why you should be happy and grateful; perhaps you can make a list of all the things in your life (people/places etc) that make you happy/grateful and then you could look at this list to remind you of the good things you have.
Take care
Sam