Hi there
Thank you for writing to me - I'm really glad you got in touch and that you felt comfortable telling me how you're feeling. It sounds like there is a lot going on inside your mind right now, and all these thoughts can be confusing and difficult to manage. When friendships don't work out well, it can feel very distressing, especially when some people take sides. It can also be very difficult to forgive friends when you feel that they have said something horrible about you. When you try to work things out on your own, you end up feeling upset, and as if all your friends secretly hate you. Is there a particular friend that you can trust, someone who you can tell how all the hurtful things that have been said make you feel - someone who can help you re-connect with your other friends?
It's good that you have your music, stories, and drawings, but now it seems that you need someone else to talk to. Try talking to a ChildLine counsellor who can offer you support, and an opportunity to think about what to say to your friends, and how to tell them how you feel. You can even practice what you want to say with the counsellor so that you can see what it feels like, and help you to feel more confident. You can call ChildLine anytime on freephone 0800 1111.
Take care
Sam