Hi there and thank you for your letter.
It sounds like you are worried about how you can express yourself. I see that you like the gothic look and goth music but that you also like other types of music. It’s okay to like all different kinds of things and it’s very natural to want to explore who you are, what kinds of things you like and how you like to dress. It’s okay to combine all your interests and the things you like, we are all different and unique and that’s a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel like that sometimes. The world would be a pretty boring place if everyone liked this same things, wore the same clothes and listened to the same music.
It sounds like having autism has been really tough for you and it’s okay to need to talk about this. Can you think of any adults in your life who you might be able to tell your feelings to? It can be hard to open up to people sometimes but that can be an important way that we all learn how to deal with our feelings and solve the problems we face. Perhaps you can try talking to a parent/carer, or a teacher that helps you?
What to do with your life is a big question and it can be something that changes with experience. Maybe you will decide to be a musician, but later find out that being a painter is more your thing, or you might decide to become a doctor but decide you want to be an actor instead. It’s okay to change your mind but it can be an idea to do some research about what jobs are around in the things you like, do you have a favourite subject in school or do you like doing a certain thing? All the things that make you unique can give you ideas about what you might want to do with your life. Maybe you can check the internet for some ideas or talk to your teachers in school – they can give you some good ideas too.
I hope this has been helpful, but if you do want to talk again, please come online and contact a ChildLine counsellor or phone 0800 1111. We are here for you.
Take care,
Sam