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Topic I'm confused in life 

Question

To Sam 

25/05/2011 3:47pm 

I'm confused in life 

I'm 14 and i feel like everything for me is going wrong.  iv been took out of my lessons because i dyed my hair the wrong colour, i never seem to do homework that has to be done and im always getting shouted at by teachers.  when my problems are solved and everything starts to go right, it starts to go wrong again.  i have a friend whos 20.  i know she's a bit old to be my friend but she seems cool.  she tells me that i should go out drinking finding boyfriends and doing cool stuff that she does.  i feel like im getting lead down the wrong path, but she's a really good friend, tells me i can trust her with anything, and she wants the best for me.

What should i do, could you help me?

Thanks Sam, Love P X

Sam's answer

Sam 

05/06/2011 6:38pm 

Hi there

As I'm reading your letter I get the sense that you might already know some of the answers to your problems and you just need me to help you decide what you should do about it. You seem to be torn between doing what’s right and what’s wrong. When you are on track with school and homework things seem ok and then something goes wrong again. 

Having free time and fun is a very important part of life and, if at all possible, should be a part of everyday. Your life however needs a balance, the choices you make should not have consequences that are harmful for you, get you in trouble or stop you doing as well in school as you would like.

It might be nice to have a friend who is older but it can also be difficult. Your friend is an adult and legally able to choose to do things that you are not, like drinking. As an adult though, she has a responsibility to look out for young people and any good friend would be encouraging you to make healthy choices that make your life as good as it can be.

You say you feel that you are being led down the wrong path and that suggests that you are not always the one making the decisions about what happens in your life. Do you really want to give the control of your life away to someone else? I’m wondering how you normally make decisions, even simple ones like what time to go to bed or what to eat. If you begin to look at the advantages and disadvantaged of every decision you are faced with you soon start to understand and learn what is important to you, and you will find it easier to choose what is right for you. If you get into the habit of doing this, you are more likely to choose options that are good for you. Try it for a while, even making a list of the reasons for and against doing anything and see what happens.

The pressure from friends sometimes can be difficult to deal with especially if you decide to do your own thing and not be led. Be determined and get some support from people who are happy for you to be you. Talk to family and friends or talk to a counsellor at ChildLine if you need some support.

Hope this helps you work things out.

Sam

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