Hi there,
Thanks for sending your letter to me and telling me how you are feeling, I can hear what a confusing and upsetting time this is for you. Please know that the confusion you are experiencing with your sexuality is a very normal and natural part of growing up and you have done the right thing getting in touch.
I can hear that the difficult feelings and experiences you have outlined above have built up and left you feeling so upset you have turned to self harm and alcohol to help you cope. It sounds like you are concerned and would like to get some help and support to help you process some of the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. For more information about self harm and alcohol you may like to check out The Site website. This has lots of helpful information and tips for keeping safe and well. More support on all that you have mentioned can also be found on the ChildLine message boards where children and young people support each other with the issues they face in their daily lives.
It’s great that you have considered talking to the woman that supports you in meetings with depression, trust issues and mood swings. I'd encourage you to go ahead and talk to her about how you are feeling. If this still feels too much, or you'd prefer to be anonymous, then why not talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You could sensitively explore your situation and feelings with them; and get the personal response you feel is helpful. You can phone 0800 1111 or sign up for an account and use online chat.
Take care,
Sam