Hi there,
First let me say how glad I am that you decided to send this letter, I can see just how worried you are at the moment and I can imagine it leaving you feeling incredibly alone. It shows great courage that you’ve felt able to talk about it here and it’s brilliant that you have.
What happened to you was not your fault. You say that it’s your fault, but nobody ever has the right to put you in that position. If you’re in a position where you don’t feel able to say no, either because they’re forcing you or because you’re not able to stop them; that is rape. Rape is a crime because it’s an act that nobody ever has the right to do to another person no matter what’s happened before or what the circumstances are. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong here.
It sounds like the amount of alcohol you had, has made it really hard for you to remember exactly what happened that night. It can be really worrying when you have woken up somewhere and you don’t entirely remember what happened, especially when your clothes are like that. It can be really difficult getting yourself support, but at the same it’s really important that you do look at getting medical support to make sure that you are okay, especially when you are worried that you’ve missed your period.
Getting medical or emotional support doesn’t always mean that you have to tell the police or your family if you don’t want to right now. Sometimes, when you’re under 16, it can be good thing to ask what an organisation’s confidentiality is, before you tell them. A lot of organisations understand the difficulty in being able to tell people and are there to support you at your own pace. One of the best organisations to talk to is a place called Rape Crisis, who offer emotional support and advice both over the phone on 0808 802 9999 or even in one of their centres across the country.
Sometimes when you call Rape Crisis there can a bit of a wait until you actually get through to someone, so it might be good if you feel able to call to find a place that you feel safe and able to talk. Just to let you know as well, they’re open 12pm-2:30pm and 7pm-9:30pm every day.
It can be really scary thinking about talking to people, whether it’s your family, friends or even people like Rape Crisis. Please know that it’s okay if you don’t feel able to straight away. When it comes to calling someone for example, it’s really natural to feel scared the first few times and sometimes even feel like you can’t talk. It’s important to remember that if you can’t talk straight away, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never be able to. Sometimes it can help, when you’re thinking about talking to someone, to even practice in your head what you’d most like to say and what they might say first when you tell them, as well as what they might say later.
As well as Rape Crisis, I want to let you know that you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor as well; they’re there to support any young person about anything that might be happening. They’re not there to judge you and they won’t tell you what to do, but they can give you a safe space any time of day or night to talk about what’s happened confidentially (meaning they won’t tell anyone unless someone’s life is in really serious danger) and to help you decide what you might like to do next.
You can contact ChildLine any way you like, whether it’s by writing them an email, coming online and talking to them on the 1-2-1 chats (which work a lot like MSN) or even calling them on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill). It might even be good to take some time and look on the message boards, where young people can talk to each other and get support about anything that may have happened.
Take care,
Sam