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Ask Sam

Topic The 10th Anniversary 

Question

To Sam 

7/9/11 10.27am 

The 10th Anniversary 

Hi Sam,

My cousin who I was incredibly close to died 7 months ago and he was in the army. Next week is the 10th anniverasary of when he joined the army and though I have very ery few memories of that time as I was only 4 at the time. I have been so upset since returning to school. I just don't want to be there and I want to be with him.

My schoolwork has somewhat suffered as I just get so uset in lessons. My teachers are not aware of the situation and so think i'm just slacking off and whenever they ask me what's wrong I can't tell them.

I really need help before next week and before situations get any worse. I used to love school but I loved my cousin more and he just seems to be getting in the way.

I really dont want my teachers to think I hate school or that i'm purosley misbehaving.

Please Help :-(

Sam's answer

Sam 

15/9/11 9.36am 

Hi there

It sounds as if you cared for your cousin very deeply and I am sorry for your loss. You have mentioned that you feel your school work is suffering as a result of the way you are feeling. You, also talked about wanting to be with your cousin and it could be an idea to speak to someone about what that means for you. You can talk to the counsellors at Childline about anything. 

Often when people we love die, it can feel as if there is a huge gaping hole in our lives, one which nothing but that person can fill.  People usually find, though, that with time and support the pain of the loss becomes less and less, until we are able to remember the person with fondness and good memories, rather than hurt at their death. 

It may be that you need some support to help you come to terms with what has happened, so that you feel able to move on. It’s important though to remember that people feel in different ways. There is no right or wrong length of time to be feeling grief and missing someone. 

When someone close dies, most people need to be able to express the thoughts and feelings they have in a safe place, one where they feel secure and able to be open. There are a number of ways you can do this and talking to someone you trust is one example. This could be a member of your family.  Within families, it can help to share feelings of grief and be a mutual support for each other. However, not all families work the same way and it might be more comfortable talking to someone who was not close to your cousin. Other people you could turn to might include a teacher you get on with, or a family friend you feel you can confide in. If you feel you cannot say it out loud, it may help to write it down for them.

It may be worth checking out www.winstonswish.org.uk and www.rd4u.org.uk - these are both websites which aim to help young people struggling with loss of a loved one.

As I mentioned, you are, also, very welcome to come and talk to one of our counsellors at Childline about what is going on for you either online through a 1-2-1 online chat or by calling 0800 1111.

Take care

Sam

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