Thanks for your letter
I'm sorry to read about your friend dying. New Year is such a significant time of year so it will take you some time to deal with the sadness of his death.
Coping with the death of someone close is difficult and yes you will miss that person.
Going through all sorts of emotions helps us deal with every day things that happen. Emotions such as anger, blaming ourselves and other people for the persons death in your case are very normal.
You say you don't think your parents will understand. Have you tried talking to them?
I am sure that they will have gone through the loss of someone close in their lives. You could even try writing down in a letter or email to them what you are going through right now.
Have a go at this if you don't think you can talk to your parents have a look at www.rd4u.org.uk web site this offers support through the death of someone close.
If you'd like more time to talk come and speak to ChildLine by phoning 0800 1111 or have an online 1-2-1
Take care
Sam