Ask Sam

I'm a 15 year old girl, and recently my boy mates (of the same age) have started to do weed and smoking. It started off as a 'one-off' and they claimed that 'after this packet of cigarettes, we'll stop' and 'it was only once'. I thought that now we're back at school, starting our GCSEs, they would stop and concentrate more on their work, as they're all pretty bright.

But now it's getting into an addiction for them. It's not addiction to actual weed, it's addiction to 'being with the popular lot'. They think that because the 'cool' people are doing it, they should to. They've started to do it when me and my other mates are around, and they've even skipped a day out with friends just to get weed.
It's really getting me down, as I don't speak to them much anymore, and I miss them because they were such good friends. I tried to bring it up, but they said they weren't doing it anymore, which is a complete lie.

Please don't say that maybe I shouldn't be friends with them, because they used to be so funny and sweet, and it would be a shame to say goodbye. They were the only real boy mates I had, and I don't want drugs to take them. I just want them to go back to how they were before, but I know I can't do anything.

Hello there,

I’m glad you’ve got in touch about what is happening for you and your friends.

From what you have told me your friends began smoking to try to look cool amongst certain groups of kids – and whilst you thought it would be a one off thing because that is what they said to you, it turns out they are still doing it. 

From how you describe them you obviously really care about them and think they are really funny and sweet and good friends, and you don’t want to just give up on the friendship. However, you feel that the fact they are doing drugs is affecting their relationship with you and your other friends as at times they are choosing getting and smoking weed over spending time with you. 

For some people, if they start experimenting with drugs it can affect their behaviour and their decision making. Having people who care about them and want to support them can be really important, but at the same time it isn’t your responsibility to make them stop. 

It’s really positive that you tried to bring things up with them before. Sometimes when people are told something that is difficult to hear they don’t always take it on board the first time around. I wonder what it would be like for you to explain to them clearly how their behaviour has affected you, and also your concerns about what could happen to them?  Perhaps you could do this with some of your other friends who you mentioned. 

If you felt it would help, you are welcome to contact a counsellor at ChildLine to talk things through. They are more than happy to listen, support you and help you think about what you would feel comfortable with doing.

Also, you might be interested in finding out more information from Talk to Frank. They are a service for young people which provides advice and support about drugs, or you can call them on 0800 77 66 00.

Take care,

Sam