Hi there
I’m really sorry to hear that you are having to put up with this. It’s very understandable that this would be upsetting for you – a joke can be funny once, but if people make you feel low on a constant basis then it’s only natural that it would get you down and make you feel really low. It’s very important to remember that you are not the problem here – you are a good person trying to cope with cruelty and that is hard. You did the right thing to write and talk about how you are feeling. I wonder, have you ever tried to talk with anyone else about what is going on for you? Like your parents, for example?
All schools have a responsibility to care for you and make sure you are safe – do you know if your school has an anti-bullying policy or someone you can talk to about this? This could be a school counselor or mentor for example. Perhaps you can try to keep a diary of incidents so you can show when things happened and when. This can help others build a picture of what you are going through and help them understand how hard this must be for you.
Perhaps you can have a think about this and maybe you can check out www.bullying.co.uk as well for information about what you can do to get help. It’s also got a section on how your parents can help you and how your school should be dealing with this situation.
I'm really concerned that you say that you want to go and kill yourself or hurt someone – those feelings can come from feeling frustrated, hurt and trapped – but those feelings can change, you don't have to manage on your own. You can speak to a counsellor at ChildLine on 0800 1111 or, if you prefer, sign up for an account and talk 121 to a counselor online.
We are here for you and you don’t have to go through this all on your own.
Take care
Sam