I’m really pleased that you have been able to write to me about the problems affecting you at the moment. It sounds that you are having to cope with a lot which has left you thinking about suicide and self harm as a way out.
Everyone has the right to feel accepted, safe, and valued, especially within their own family. It seems you are taking on board a lot of your families issues just because you have an individual style.
Firstly let me say that it isn’t OK for your mum to be slapping and hitting you. Childline would be happy to help you explore what you can do about this if you would like. It is also not OK for your brother to hit you and it is your mum’s job to keep you safe in your own home.
I think it’s important to your growing identity to make choices about what you wear and what colours you choose. It sounds really tough to be called names based on this but the important thing is for you to believe you are OK and shouldn’t be treated in this way. It's OK to be different to other people.
You have said that you also get picked on a lot at school which may make the problems at home feel even worse. I wonder if there are any people you feel close to or that you can talk to for support during tough times? It’s important that you do keep reaching out to others, to help them see that you are being hurt and upset. The other side of this, as you mention, are feelings about self harm or suicide which won’t help in the long run.
There is some information in Explore about family relationships, bullying, and self harm that you may find useful to look at. There are also threads on our message boards where young people are able to offer support to each other. You can even leave a message yourself if you like.
We would be really happy to talk this through with you as well if would like to and you can call us on 0800 1111 or log on for a 1-2-1 chat. You don’t have to go through this alone.