Hi there
I'm really glad you have written to me about this and I’m concerned about what you’re going through. It seems as though you and your mum had a good relationship before your little brother and sister came along. I can hear that you really miss your mum and that you feel very upset sometimes. Your mum doesn’t sound like she’s listening to your reasons for being upset and I’m wondering whether anyone else knows what you’re going through.
It can sometimes help to write down how you’re feeling. Remember to keep this safe, either by password-protecting it on your computer or keeping it in a place where nobody will find it. You could also rip up what you’ve written into tiny pieces afterwards so that nobody else can read it unless you choose to share it with someone you trust. Have a think about what will work best for you.
When your mum threatens you or tells you that she wishes you’d never been born, this is called emotional abuse. Nobody has the right to treat you in this way. You said that your mum also says she’ll beat you one day or that she’ll smash your face in. She isn’t allowed to do this; it would be classed as physical abuse and it’s against the law. You have the right to feel safe and cared for at home. If you ever feel in danger, you have the right to call 999 for the emergency services.
It sounds like you’re thinking about running away but you don’t feel you have anywhere to go to. I am worried that you might end up in a dangerous situation and sometimes young people run away and find themselves without anywhere to stay and without any food or money.
If you feel you need help to make it stop, ChildLine can help you to speak to social services about what’s happening with your mum. This would always be your choice and ChildLine would talk to you about whether you felt ready to do this and what you were hoping for.
Maybe you could have a think about telling an adult you trust about what’s going on and how you’re feeling. You might feel able to talk to a teacher. It’s important to remember that if you choose to talk to a teacher, they have a legal responsibility to tell someone else to help keep you safe.
Remember that if you ever need to talk to someone in confidence, you can contact ChildLine, by creating an account and sending an email or having a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor. You can also phone free on 0800 1111 to talk to someone.
Take care
Sam