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Topic My dad had a stroke  

Question

To Sam 

15/12/2010 8:22pm 

My dad had a stroke  

My family have recently been arguing...a lot. Last year, around the November sort of time, my Dad had a stroke that stopped him from using his left arm, left leg and slightly impaired his vision. He is making good progress, or at least he was. Ever since he has come home from hospital he has had a really negative attitude towards life and this attitude has had a really negative effect on the rest of my family, apart from my brother (to my Dad, my brother's his pride and joy). Because my Dad is really nice to my brother but shouts at me all the time, I feel left out and like a slave because I have to look after him when my Mum goes to work. Admittedly, I have skipped school once or twice to take care of him because he just doesn't try to do anything whereas in the hospital he did everything for himself, I saw him with my own eyes. Due to this negative behaviour, me and my mum have been working overtime 24/7 which, as you can expect, builds up a lot of stress. I am 14 and I'm doing an early GCSE in Spanish, which was terrible. I got a C which is a pass but my teacher said she was very disappointed with what I did in the speaking exam. When I told my friends, only two of them, one being my girlfriend, tried to cheer me up while the rest just made it worse. One of them even stopped talking to me because I was 'breaking up the cheerful atmosphere'. What I would like to ask you is how I can explain how I'm feeling to my family and friends because hardly any of my friends understand and every time I try to talk to my Dad he starts yelling 'you're making me feel upset I don't want to talk about this'.

Can you help?

- S, 14

Sam's answer

Sam 

22/12/2010 1:30pm 

Hi there

Thanks a lot for your letter. It sounds like life at home is pretty tough right now. You have done really well to cope with everything that has been happening and with all the changes your family has experienced. 

There are a few websites that might be worth you having a look at - youngcarers.net and youngcarer.com (go to info for young carers). They may be able to put you in touch with some people your own age who have been through something similar and can really understand what it's like. They may also have some information about some local groups for young carers.

There is also a lot of good information on stroke.org.uk (although it's mostly aimed at adults) about how strokes affect people's attitudes as well as their bodies (you might already know a lot about this though!).

A lot of what you are describing is quite normal for a family where someone has had a stroke - the stress, the effects on your school work, people not understanding - but just because it's usual doesn't mean its not difficult and it's important for you to get support for yourself. Don't forget you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor anytime on 0800 1111 or at childline.org.uk or go on the message board (there is a section for young carers which might be useful).

I really hope this helps and that life gets easier.

Take care

Sam

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