Why me?

I was scared
I felt embarrassed
I felt guilty
It was my fault, I was to blame
I didn’t have anybody to talk to
I thought they already knew
I tried to tell but no one listened
I thought no one would understand
I didn’t know when to tell
I didn’t know what to say
I didn’t know what words to use
I knew it would cause trouble
I thought no one would believe me, I thought the abuser would say I’d lied
I didn’t want the attention
I didn’t want to get the abuser into trouble
I knew some of my friends would stop talking to me
I didn’t want to upset my mum, dad or family
I didn’t want to believe what had happened
I was threatened, told to keep quiet
I wanted to forget all about it
I was scared of the consequences
I thought he/she would get away with it
I didn’t understand that what was happening was sexual abuse
I didn’t want to lose them
I was scared of who I would have to tell
I was scared my abuser would get me
I was scared the abuser would blame me
I was scared I would have to see my abuser again
I was terrified

If you’re going out by yourself let other people know.
Telephone someone you trust if you feel unsafe.
Look after each other if you’re out with a group of friends. Stay as a group.
Walk tall and walk confident.
Trust your feelings. If it feels uncomfortable it probably isn’t safe. Leave or get help.
Let someone know what time you will be back.
Plan how you’re going to get home safely.
Know what is inappropriate so you can get away and tell.
Think about who you know and who you can talk to and tell if something happens.
Try to look after your drink.

• Be there for me to talk to
• Support me
• Trust what I’m saying is true
• Try and understand what I’m feeling and what I’m going through
• Try and take my mind off what has happened – life CAN still be fun
• I need time to think, and work through the issues/difficulties, BUT I need time away – where I can take my mind off things
• I need to be told that it’s not my fault
• I need to hear and believe that you still love me
• Help me find any support and help I need
• Help me understand
• Help me tell others that need to know
• Help me not to tell others –
• Help me to look after myself again
• Help me to like myself again
• Walk tall and walk confident beside me
• Still be my family
• Understand that I might be struggling
• Don't patronise me
• Believe me
• Don’t be scared to talk to me
• Believe that I will get through it
• Let me still live my life
• Help me have fun and move on
• Help me get my life back
• Take a step back, let me breathe and be supportive
• Allow me to be independent
• Still be my friend

• Spending time with friends/family
• Treating yourself with respect
• Try to think positively, remember how brave you are - You spoke out!
• Allow yourself to express emotions
• Try to talk to someone you trust, if it will help
• If you can’t talk to someone, try finding other ways to release emotion, e.g. writing or drawing
• Sometimes talking to a trained therapist can help
• Everyone’s coping strategies are different, try to find other ways to honour you - You are unique. You can find your own ways to survive.

It is never your fault. You are not to blame. Sexual abuse is always the responsibility
of the person who is in a position of power over you. Sexual abuse is about having power and control over another person. You might feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed, but do not blame yourself. Please remember this!

You might feel very mixed up when somebody touches you in a sexual way. You might not feel that this is abuse, this is not weird! You might want to keep what happened to you a secret, wishing it would go away. It’s better to try to tell someone and to let your feelings out. It’s better to let it out than to bottle it all up! Even if the touching made you feel special, it was still wrong. Don’t blame yourself - it’s not your fault!

This can be one of the most difficult things to do. We encourage you to tell someone you trust. They can then help you to get the support you need. Telling the police is hard and can be frightening. However it might not be as bad as you think.

It is the duty of the police and the children’s services to keep children and young
people safe from harm. They need to know what is happening so they can work
together to protect you and others. You may have to make a statement to tell them what has happened. This can be done by a video. Sometimes you may have to go to court. This can be done through a video link. You can be supported through this.