Ginger Snaps: Chapter One by Cathy Cassidy

So we planned an afternoon at the ice-rink, all expenses paid, followed by burger and chips in the cafe that looked down over it. Mum had made a three-layer chocolate cake for afterwards, with eleven little candles. I was excited, in spite of myself. Cass let me use some of her sparkly eyeshadow, and I wore my new pink mini dress with the op-art flowers, and a new pair of jeans. I thought I looked good.

We’d arranged to meet outside the ice-rink at two. Emily Croft and Meg Walters arrived dead on time. They were best friends, geeky, serious girls who sometimes let me hang out with them at breaktimes. ‘Who else is coming?’ they asked.‘Oh, everybody,’ I told them, even though there was already a little seed of doubt eating away at my heart. ‘Sophie and Jenna and Carly and Faye... everyone.’I’d asked every girl in my class, because Cass said there was room for everyone at the ice rink, and even if they weren’t all special mates, it would be a good chance to get to know them a bit more. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could invite a whole bunch of kids to her party. I didn’t want to let her down. I asked everyone, and most people had said they’d be there. So where were they? At half past two, Dad looked at his watch for the hundredth time and said maybe the others had got mixed up about the time. ‘Cass, you take Ginger and the girls in,’ he decided. ‘Your mum and I can stay here for a bit, wait for the others. Perhaps they thought it was three?’

Emily Croft took the folded invitation from her pocket and looked at it again. ‘It says two,’ she said, and I hated her for that, for not pretending that there was a mistake or a misprint or a traffic jam in town... anything, anything at all to take away the sick ache inside of me. Cass took Emily, Meg and I through to the rink. I felt like I was holding myself together, like the slightest knock might make me crumble. There was a stinging sensation behind my eyes. We handed in our shoes and pulled on ugly white boots with sharp, silver blades, lacing them up tightly. Then we clomped across to the rink, wobbling slightly, and edged our way onto the ice. It was cold, and my feet felt like they could slip from under me at any moment.

At first all I could do was cling onto the edge, but Cass wasn’t going to allow that, of course. She took my hand and prised me away from the rail, and slowly, haltingly, I took my first few steps on the ice.  It was fun. Pretty soon the four of us were slithering about, grabbing onto each other and yelping with terror whenever anyone swooped past. After a while, Cass spotted Mum and Dad, watching from the sides, and skated over to talk to them, leaving Emily, Meg and I together. That’s when I saw them - Sophie, Jenna, Carly and Faye, just ahead of us on the ice. My face lit up. They were here after all - Sophie and the others, the four most popular girls in the class. It must have been a mix-up about the time, like Dad said. I skated towards them with a grin a mile wide. Sophie spoke first. ‘Hi Ginger,’ she said. Her voice sounded mean and smirky, the way it always did when she spoke to me. Then again, that wasn’t exactly often. ‘Thought we might see you here. Sorry we couldn’t make your party... we had something better to do.’Sophie and the others dissolved into giggles, while I struggled to make sense of what she’d said. Couldn’t make the party? Something better to do? But they were here, weren’t they? And then it dawned on me. They hadn’t arrived late, Dad hadn’t paid them in. They’d been here all along, watching, waiting. They were here to laugh at me. My cheeks flamed.‘Look!’ Faye sniggered. ‘Her face matches her hair!’

I wished a hole would appear in the ice, a hole I could fall into and disappear forever.  It didn’t, of course. I was vaguely aware of Emily and Meg just behind me, and I knew that Mum, Dad and Cass were here somewhere, too. I tried to turn, to get away from Sophie’s cold eyes and Faye’s twisted smile, but the blades slipped beneath me and I fell down, hard, with the sound of laughter in my ears. Emily crouched beside me on the ice. ‘Ignore them,’ she said, kindly. ‘Come on, Ginger. Don’t let them win.’

By the time I crawled up onto my hands and knees, Sophie and the others were skating away, looking back at me over their shoulders. ‘Honestly!’ I heard Sophie say. ‘She looks just like a pig... a fat, ugly, ginger pig.’When I think back, that’s the bit I remember. The shame, the hurt, the ice freezing my grazed palms and numbing my heart. I’ll never forget it. Emily and Meg helped me back to the edge of the rink, and I told Mum, Dad and Cass I’d hurt myself falling. We all clomped off the ice, handed in our boots and went up to the cafe for burger and chips, only I couldn’t eat a single bite of mine. Mum brought out the chocolate layer cake and lit the candles, and everyone sang Happy Birthday.

My eyes slid away from the cake and down towards the rink below, where I could see Sophie and Jenna and Carly and Faye skating round and round, laughing, tossing their hair, flirting with boys. I hated them, sure, but a part of me wanted to be like them, too. I blew out the candles and made a wish.

If you are being teased about the way you look, it can really knock your confidence. However, it is important to remember that it is not your fault - nobody has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad. 

If you would like more information and support, you can:
- Find out more about bullying and cyber bullying.
- Write a letter and get advice about bullying on the Ask Sam page.
- Get advice from other young people on the message boards.
- Boost your confidence and self-esteem, to try and help you feel better about yourself.
- Find out the different ways you can contact a ChildLine counsellor.