Sex and the media

We recently asked you whether or not you felt pressured into sex, or if your friends or girlfriend/boyfriend have ever expected you to behave in certain way because of what they’ve seen on TV or online.

Here is what you had to say:

Many of you felt that the media does give out the wrong message to young people…

‘We are expected to look and act in a certain way and if we do not act like
this we are not 'cool' or 'accepted'.’

‘…the [music] videos make it look like sex is the only thing that can make
you happy.’

‘…some of them are very explicit and show a lot of men controlling the women’

 ‘ Women and girls in little skirts and tops often in very sexual positions and I then think right so must I dress like that to get attention?’

‘One person at my school started watching Sex and the City at 10 [and] wanted sex by 13/14, I just don't think its right.’

But you also felt that the problem doesn’t just lie with media…

‘A lot of boys once they’re around 15 feel like they need to have sex because everyone else is, and sexual stuff just reinforces that.’

‘All my friends go on about is sex … maybe I should just go find someone and do it and get it over with so I don’t get laughed at’

‘A lot of times the boys say... 'Well your friend did it so you must too'

‘We give in to sex and then it feels wrong, we feel upset and distressed and the boy just walks away and moves onto [the] next girl.’

‘I know one girl, who actually lied and said she did have sex when she never had, simply because she felt as if it was WRONG that she hadn't aged 15.’

‘I have felt pressured into sex before, by my friends and older boys, one of which I succumbed to after consuming alcohol. I think that because of society today being so hugely focused on the music business and reality TV, young people feel that they should follow the crowd, as I did…. It was the biggest mistake I have made so far in my life.’

‘At the end of the day they have to make those decisions for themselves and we can't keep it hidden away from people’

‘I think that even without tv and music videos with sexual images, people feel that if their friends have had sex then they have to in order to fit in.’

All comments can be seen on the Sex and Relationships message board

Findings: What you told us

Worryingly, many of you said that you have been pressured into having sex or behave in a certain way because of friends or boyfriends/girlfriends. 

You mentioned that by not having sex by a certain age or going against what the media show as being ‘normal’, you’ll be left out and even laughed at. This is to the extent that some girls/boys even lie and say they have had sex when, in fact, they haven’t.

It is also illegal to have sex under the age of 16 for a reason. Waiting until you are older makes it safer – as you are less likely to have unprotected sex, catch a sexually transmitted disease or have an unwanted pregnancy.  

Even if you do feel that your friends are having sex, the chances are that they are not. Instead, they probably feel the same way as you. It is ok to wait until the right time no matter what people say.

Saying no to peer pressure shows great confidence and self-respect and you can hold your head high knowing that you called the shots.

We can help

If somebody has pressurised you into having sex, remember that it is not your fault and you shouldn’t feel ashamed – nobody has the right to make you do something that you’re not comfortable with.

If you are worried about anything, you can always speak to a counsellor on 0800 1111, through 1-2-1 chat or by sending an email.  They won’t judge you and they’re not easily shocked by what you tell them. Instead, they will listen to you and talk you through your options.

Find out more about what contacting ChildLine is like.