Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone - boys or girls. If it happens to you, you're not alone.
What is sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse is when:
- you're touched in a way you don't like
- you're being forced to have sex
- you're forced to look at sexual pictures or videos
- you're made to watch someone do something sexual. This can include someone flashing or exposing themselves to you
- you're made to do something sexual to someone that feels uncomfortable or wrong
If this is happening to you, you might think that it's your fault. It isn't. No-one has the right to sexually abuse you, even your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you speak out about it, there are people who care - they will listen to you and help you.
It doesn't matter who the person is that is making you do these things, they are sexually abusing you. It is possible to be sexually abused by someone you know and love. This does not make what they are doing OK.
It didn't happen all the time, but it'd been going on for years. He would make me do dirty things, you know... If I didn't do as he said he'd hit me. I told him to stop, but he never would.
I wanted to tell my Mum, but I didn't know how too. I thought it would break her heart that's why she just wouldn't believe me.
I couldn't even concentrate at school. The teacher would ask if I was ok, I said I was fine. But I felt ashamed and dirty.
But one day, after school, I called up ChildLine on my phone, I just couldn't hide it anymore. I felt really embarrassed at first, but the counsellor lady she told me that it wasn't my fault. She helped me build my confidence to talk to my Mum.
When I told her, she just hugged me and cried. She even came to the police with me. And now he's locked up and he can't hurt me anymore.
I hated what he did to me but I'm glad I could make it stop.
Is it sexual abuse if no-one actually touches me?
If someone touches themselves in a sexual way in front of you, or if they want you to touch yourself sexually in front of them, that's still sexual abuse. If someone makes you look at sexual material such as photos or films, that's sexual abuse too.
Will my boyfriend/girlfriend leave me if I don't have sex with them?
No-one should be forcing you or pressuring you into having sex. If you're under age 16*, the law states you shouldn't be having sex at all. If you're over 16 and someone's trying to force you, that's illegal too. The law is there to protect you and keep you safe not to get you in trouble.
If you are having sex with someone who is above the age of consent and you are underage, it is the person you are having sex with who is in the wrong, and not you.
Sex should be part of a loving and trusting relationship and if your sexual partner is putting pressure on you then they are not respecting you or how you feel. You do not have to stay with anyone who is making you do something that you do not want to do.
Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling will help.
* - The legal age of consent to have sex in Northern Ireland is 17.
Who could be a sexual abuser?
It is more likely that sexual abuse would be by someone you know - it might even be someone you love and trust, male or female, old or young.
It's really embarrassing - do I have to talk about everything?
Sex when you don't want it is an abuse of you, and sexual abuse from someone you know is confusing and destroys trust. People who sexually abuse others are sometimes very skilful at making those they abuse feel guilty and ashamed about what happened so that they keep quiet about it. Sexual abuse can make you feel unsafe and dirty. If someone sexually abuses you the responsibility for what happened is theirs, not yours.
The counsellors here at ChildLine are there to listen and help you - you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Nothing will shock them.
What happens next?
If you tell someone you trust about what's happening, they will get in touch with people who can help you and find a way to protect you from what's happening.
You can all us if you are worried about anything to do with sexual abuse.