Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can mean lots of different things. These include:

- Physical abuse - hurting someone by hitting, pushing or kicking
- Emotional abuse - saying things on purpose to frighten the other person or putting them down to make them feel bad. For example, constantly saying that someone is stupid or ugly
- Controlling behaviour - preventing someone by force from acting freely. This can include keeping them from seeing relatives and friends, not letting them have a job or not letting them spend money

Many people do leave the person hurting them, but it takes a lot of courage. Lots of families live with abuse for many months or even years. People stay with abusive partners for many reasons, here are just some of them:

- They may be too scared to leave.
- They may not have any money or anywhere to go.
- They may worry about taking their children out of school and moving to a new area.
- They may be so worn down by all that's happened and not have the strength to go.

No it isn't your fault. Grown-ups and children should feel safe and secure in their homes. Domestic violence is wrong and you and your family do not have to put up with it.

It can be hard if one of your parents or carers is violent towards the other, or if one of your brothers or sisters is violent, especially if you love them. It's normal to feel confused and hurt about what is happening. It can help to talk about how you feel. If you want to talk you can call us about it anytime.

Adults need to sort out their problems for the violence to stop. Let them know how much it hurts you when they fight. They may not know how upset you are or even realise you know the violence is happening.

If your brother or sister is being violent towards you or someone else in your family, you can get help.

Talking about what is happening can help make it stop. You are not responsible for fixing it and shouldn't be worried about a parent's safety. If you can't talk to your parents, another responsible adult like a teacher can help. We are here for you to talk to whenever you want to and we can help you sort out the problem. 

It’s normal to have arguments sometimes in any relationship. When an argument turns violent or your boyfriend/girlfriend keeps putting you down or trying to make you do something you don’t want to, then this is abusive. If this keeps happening to you, you might start to think that it’s normal and you deserve it, but you shouldn’t have to put up with it and you don’t deserve to be treated like this.

If someone is hitting you, hurting you, saying nasty things to you to you or trying to make you do something you don’t want to, then you should speak out about what’s happening. No one should be making you feel upset or scared and no one should be hitting or hurting you in a relationship. If you ever need to talk, ChildLine is here for you at any time and we can help you.

Having sex is a big decision. If you don’t feel comfortable or ready to have sex with someone, then you shouldn’t feel like you have to do it. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should care about you enough not to pressure you or make you do something you’re not happy about. Remember that the age of consent in the UK is 16 years old.

There can be a lot of pressure from other people to have sex and it might seem like everyone else is doing it or talking about it. This shouldn’t be the reason that you start having sex – you should do it because you want to and you are over 16 years old. If you need to talk about sex, you can talk to ChildLine any time.