Guilt

Talking things through with someone, who won’t judge you, can help you to make sense of how you’re feeling. It's a good way of deciding if you want to do anything about what's happened. Talking can also be a useful first step in working out if what has happened is really your fault or if someone is making you feel like it is.

Forgive yourself. It’s the hardest thing to do when you feel really guilty but it is really important to try to do this. If you keep beating yourself up for things that you can’t change or weren't really your fault, it can have a negative effect on your life and how you feel. There comes a time when you need to stop blaming yourself and let it go. Everyone has done things that they regret.

All sorts of things can make us feel guilty. They might be things we do a lot, for the first time or every once in a while. 

• Being mean to someone or bullying.
• Thinking something we feel is bad.
• Doing or saying nothing when we know we could speak out and stop something bad happening (to ourselves or others).
• Peer pressure - Going along with your friends because you feel you should even if you don’t want to or known it's wrong.
• Cheating in an exam or copying someone else’s work.
• Eating too much, eating a lot of unhealthy food, or not eating enough.
• Being involved in something that feels wrong - even if it is not your fault.
• Hurting yourself in some way on purpose - self-harm.
• Drinking too much alcohol, smoking or taking drugs.
• Fancying a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Not trying as hard as you can at something that matters to you.
• Stealing.
• When someone dies - regretting something that we can't change or feeling bad about our reaction or feelings.
• Lying to your parent or carer about what you’re doing or where you are going.

If it feels too difficult to talk about how you’re feeling you could try writing it down somewhere safe. List all the things you think you did or said that you’re feeling guilty about. For each of these things, write down what other emotions you were feeling at the time and what else was going through your mind.

Then try and write down the answer to these questions: 

- Do you still feel the same now?
- Was anyone else involved?
- Is there anything you want to do differently?

Once you’ve got all your thoughts and feelings out then you might find you start to feel differently. When you feel ready to move on, you can choose what you want to do with what you have written. You could tear it up into a thousand pieces or lock it away in a secret place.

If you are feeling creative, try using the Balloon Game. Type in the box, a few words that remind you of the thing you feel guilty about. Blow up a balloon and drag it onto your box, then click it away into the distance.

Some people find that role play helps them deal with guilt. If you are feeling guilty about something you never got a chance to say to somebody, then saying it out loud as if they can hear you could help. Make sure nobody can overhear you and get it all off your chest. If you have a photo or something that reminds you of the person, try talking to that as it will help you focus on what you want to say. Writing a letter to somebody but never giving it to them is another way to do this.

People feel guilt differently. It can feel like a bit like a shadow that follows you everywhere, or a heavy weight in your body that won’t go away. Other times it can just be a little niggling feeling that makes you feel bad every now and again.

Some people feel guilty much more often than others. If you are someone who tends to worry about things or put a lot of pressure on yourself, then guilt is often tied up in there somewhere too. The guiltier you feel about things, usually the harder you are on yourself or the more uncomfortable it feels when you keep doing the things that make you feel guilty.