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Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is when a child or young person is pressurised, forced, tricked or coerced into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or another young person. This can include kissing, touching the young person's genitals (private parts) or breasts, intercourse or oral sex. It can happen to anyone – boys and girls. If you are being sexually abused it's not your fault and you're not alone.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse

Transcript

It didn’t happen all the time, but it’d been going on for years. He would make me do dirty things, you know…. If I didn’t do as he said he’d hit me. I told him to stop, but he never would.

I wanted to tell my Mum, but I didn’t know how too. I thought it would break her heart that’s why she just wouldn’t believe me.

I couldn’t even concentrate at school. The teacher would ask if I was ok, I said I was fine. But I felt ashamed and dirty.

But one day, after school, I called up ChildLine on my phone, I just couldn’t hide it anymore. I felt really embarrassed at first, but the counsellor lady she told me that it wasn’t my fault. She helped me build my confidence to talk to my Mum.

When I told her, she just hugged me and cried. She even came to the police with me. And now he’s locked up and he can’t hurt me anymore.

I hated what he did to me but I’m glad I could make it stop.

 
 
 
 
 

Image of a boy with his head down sitting in a corridorWhat is sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse is when:

  • you're being touched in a way you don't like without giving permission or consent
  • you're being forced to have sex (intercourse)
  • you're forced to look at sexual pictures or videos
  • you're made to watch someone do something sexual. This can include someone flashing or exposing themselves to you
  • you're made to do something sexual to someone that feels uncomfortable or wrong.

No matter what someone has told you, if this is happening to you, it is not your fault. No one has the right to do things to you that you don’t like, even your boyfriend or girlfriend. It will take courage, but if you speak out about it, there are people who will listen to you and help you.

It doesn't matter who the person is that is making you do these things, they are sexually abusing you. It is possible to be sexually abused by someone you know and love. This does not make what they are doing OK.

Feedback

We have a thread on the message boards where we are asking you about the things that might stop you from talking about sexual abuse and how we could make it easier for you to talk about it. If you would like to share your messages or idea with us, please visit the ChildLine message board.

Who can sexually abuse young people?

You can’t tell by looking at someone whether they are likely to sexually abuse or not. Any person might be capable of sexually abusing someone, but it is more likely that sexual abuse would be by someone you know. The abuse might even be by someone you love and trust, like a member of your family.  A person who sexually abuses can be male or female, old or young.

Sexual abuse by a female is not often talked about, but actually it is more common than you might think. Sexual abuse by anyone, male or female, is wrong, and if it is happening to you, ChildLine can help. Call us on 0800 1111, or talk to us online.

Want to contact ChildLine?


If you're not sure about what contacting ChildLine is like, watch this short film about what happens when you call us

Is it sexual abuse if no one actually touches me?
If someone touches themselves in a sexual way in front of you, or if they want you to touch yourself sexually in front of them, that's still sexual abuse. You are being sexually abused if someone makes you look at sexual material such as photos or films.

  • I think my friend is being sexually abused what should I do?

    If you are worried that your friend might be being abused, it’s important to speak to your friend about it. You can let them know that you are there for them to talk to if they want to.  Be prepared that they may not want to talk to you about it as they may be scared about what will happen if they tell someone.

    If they have told you about what’s happening to them, you could encourage them to tell a trusted adult about it.  Let them know that you are there for them and they can talk to you. 

    If you are worried about a friend, you can talk to ChildLine at any time.  We are here for you if you need to talk to us about yourself or someone else. 

  • Is it my fault I’ve been sexually abused?

    No it isn’t your fault if you have been sexually abused. People who sexually abuse others sometimes make the people they abuse feel guilty and ashamed about what happened so that they keep quiet about it. Sexual abuse can make you feel unsafe and dirty.

    If someone sexually abuses you, the responsibility for what happened is theirs, not yours. Even if they say it is your fault, it isn’t. They are responsible for what they have done to you and you have not done anything wrong.

  • Will my boyfriend/girlfriend leave me if I don't have sex with him/her?

    No one should be forcing you or pressuring you into having sex. If you're under age 16, the law states you shouldn't be having sex at all. If you're over 16 and someone's trying to force you, that's illegal too. It is also wrong if someone who is under the age of 16 forces you or pressures you to have sex. The law is there to protect you and keep you safe, not to get you in trouble.

    If you are having sex with someone who is above the age of consent and you are underage, it is the person you are having sex with who is in the wrong, and not you. You will not get into trouble if you tell someone.

    Sex should be part of a loving and trusting relationship and if your sexual partner is putting pressure on you then they are not respecting you or how you feel. You do not have to stay with anyone who is making you do something that you do not want to do.
    Talking to someone you trust about what is happening can help. If you feel that you can’t deal with it alone, you can get support to get out of a situation that makes you uncomfortable. You can contact ChildLine any time you want to talk.

  • If I tell someone, will they believe me?

    Speaking up about sexual abuse is a really brave and difficult thing to do. You might be worried that if you tell someone they won’t believe you. Some people may find it upsetting to be told about something as serious as sexual abuse and may find it difficult to come to terms with. They may be reluctant to get involved or might suggest that you are overreacting or that you have got it wrong. This is a natural reaction, but it’s not helpful.

    If you speak to someone who doesn’t want to help you, don’t give up. There are people who will believe and help you. ChildLine listens to everything that you tell us, and we will believe you and help you. Please contact us if you are worried about sexual abuse and we can help you.

  • If I talk to ChildLine, do I have to tell you everything?

    The counsellors here at ChildLine are there to listen and help you - you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Nothing will shock us. You can feel safe when you talk to us and only have to tell us what you feel comfortable with. You are in control.

  • What happens after I have told someone about the sexual abuse?

    If you tell someone you trust about what's happening, they should get in touch with people who can help you and find a way to protect you from what's happening.

    If you talk to ChildLine, you can tell us as much or as little as you want to. If you want us to take action we will do. We only take action without your permission if you or someone else is in immediate danger. Read more about our confidentiality promise.

    You can talk to us if you are worried about anything to do with sexual abuse.

Other sites that can help

Rape Crisis provides help for women and girls that have been raped or experienced another form of sexual violence. They also have information for family and friends.
Rape Crisis

Rape Crisis Scotland provides a national rape crisis helpline for anyone affected by sexual violence.
Rape Crisis Scotland

Victim Support offers free and confidential help to victims of crime, witnesses, their family, friends and anyone else affected across England and Wales.
Victim Support

We believe you

Adults abused

  • NAPAC is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood. They provide support and information for people abused in childhood.NAPAC
Let it out

Was this information about sexual abuse useful to you?

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Online chat

Confidentiality promise


Confidentiality means not telling anyone else about what you’ve said. It means that you can feel safe talking to us about something that is happening to you, knowing that no one else will find out. Read more about confidentiality.

We're here for you

Sexual abuse

Have you experienced sexual abuse or know someone who has? Post a message on the message boards and get support from the ChildLine community.

Abuse and safety message board

Anything missing?

Is there anything else about sexual abuse that you'd like to see added to this page?

 
 
 
 
 
Sexual abuse 

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