Peer Pressure: What it is and How to say no

what peer pressure means

The people around you (your peers) influence your day-to-day decisions, even if you don't realise it.

Sometimes this can be a good thing. Maybe a friend suggested a book that's now your favourite.

But sometimes they might pressure you to do things you don't want to do. Like hurt someone else, do something unsafe or miss school.

Peer pressure means feeling like you have to do something because people around you want you to or expect you to. It might be to make someone else happy or to fit in with a new group. It's okay to say no if you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable. You have the right to choose what’s best for you, even if it’s not what other people think is best.

Things to remember:

it's okay to say no to things if you don't feel comfortable or safe
you have the right to make your own choices
there are ways to say no to something, but still be accepted and have friends. If someone is your friend they should accept your decision.
there are ways to feel more confident about saying how you feel.

Being pressured to...

Drink, smoke or take drugs

Trying new things is a part of growing up. But that doesn't mean that you have to drink alcohol, take drugs and smoke.

If your friends are all taking part, it can feel hard to say no. But it's your decision, not theirs. And you have the right to decide what you want to do.

Bully someone

Bullying can mean different things. If your friends are calling someone names, putting them down, or doing anything to deliberately make someone else feel bad, then this is bullying.

If you're being pressured into bullying someone, it can be really difficult to say no. But there are ways you can stand up to peer pressure:

practise how to say "no" and remember you don't need to explain yourself
think about your reasons and how to help your friends understand
avoid situations where you might be asked to join in with bullying
tell someone like a teacher to make sure it stops
if you're being pressured into bullying someone online, report it
if you're worried about how someone is being treated online, post positive things or message them something supportive.

Lose weight or look a certain way

You might feel pressured to change things about yourself, like losing weight. This pressure could be coming from a friend, a family member or online. Hearing negative things about how you look or your weight can be really upsetting and make you lose confidence.

It can also be really harmful. Pressure to lose weight can lead to eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Being healthy means making sure you eat enough food, and don't lose weight in a way that’s not safe for you.

Working on ways to build self-esteem after being bullied or pressured by someone can help you feel confident with how you look. There is no one size fits all – everyone deserves to feel happy in their own skin.

Have sex, send nudes, or do something sexual

Having sex or being sexually active can be a big decision. Not everyone will feel ready or want to do something, and that’s always okay. You should never feel pressured by what other people are doing.

If you don't feel comfortable with what’s happening, then nobody should make you feel like you have to do something or continue. You should never be pressured to send a nude or sexual message either. It’s always okay to explain how you’re feeling and what you want.

Remember that nobody has the right to do something sexual to you without your consent. If you’re being pressured, it can help to:

Find out more about consent and your rights
Explain how you’re feeling and what you want
Leave a situation if you can, or take a break before replying
Get support outside the situation with a friend or adult you trust
Speak to the police in an emergency or if you feel unsafe

If you’ve shared a nude and you’re worried about what might happen to it, you can use Report Remove to take it down if it’s posted somewhere and stop it being posted publicly anywhere else.

If you’re feeling pressured, it can help to think about whether your relationship is healthy.

Get into trouble

Whether it's skipping class, stealing, or breaking the law, we may all feel pressured to do something that might get us into trouble at some point in our lives.

Sometimes it's hard to see how a dare or a prank might affect you and your life ahead. Especially if all your friends are doing it.

It can seem fun to join in. And you might trust your friends. But breaking the law can have serious consequences.

Each situation is different, but it's hard to go back and change things if you get in trouble with the police. Remember you have the right to say no.

Try to think it through what will happen if you:

take drugs – your physical and mental health could be damaged
shoplifting - you could be arrested or taken to a police station.
doing something dangerous – you could hurt yourself or someone else.

Watch: Why Can't I Say No To My Friends?

Ways to say no

It can be hard to say 'no' to your friends, especially when they're all joining in.

Sometimes it can feel like you have to do what they tell you to in order to be accepted. It can make you feel scared and alone.

It's not okay for friends to pressure you like this. And it's not your fault. Try these tips to help:

1. Say it with confidence

Be assertive. Practise saying 'no' so that it's easier when someone asks. Avoid situations which make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. You could explain that you're going to pay for something instead of stealing it.

You could also explain how the person who is putting pressure on you is making you feel. People should respect this and your choices, but this doesn’t always happen, Childline is always here for you.

2. Find friends who share the same values

Having friends who share your values and also don’t want to do the same things as you, can make things easier. It’s easier to say no to things together.

3. Think of an excuse

It should always be ok to say no to something you don’t want to do, but if it feels too difficult then you could think of an excuse you could use, like ‘I need to be home soon.’

4. Suggest something else to do

If you don't feel comfortable doing what your friends are doing, you could suggest something else instead. You can also leave the situation if you’re feeling really uncomfortable.

5. Avoid certain situations

You could try avoiding situations where you may be under pressure to do something you don’t want to do, such as not going somewhere you know people will be drinking alcohol or taking drugs.

6. Stand up for others

If you see someone else being pressured in to do something they aren’t comfortable with, it could really help them if you stand up for them. You can persuade others to not give them a hard time, as long as you feel safe to do so.